"For me to really pour myself out in service and sacrifice for God’s children as a priest, even with all the challenges and problems that always eventually arise for priests, I also need that same mighty motivation that drove the Canaanite woman."
Welcome to a new weekly series on the formation journey of Br. Josh, MIC, a second-year seminarian at the Marian House of Studies in Steubenville, Ohio. It is the continuation of Br. Josh's previous column, "Novice Notes." Watch for a new column every Friday.
By Br. Josh, MIC
Saint Paul wrote, “We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans” (Rom 8:26).
I experienced this in a powerful way, two days before I took first vows and became a brother of the Marian Fathers of the Immaculate Conception.
The Canaanite woman
For me, it all began a week or two earlier. I was meditating on the Gospel passage (Mt 15) in which the Canaanite woman tries to come to Jesus, but the disciples say, “Send her away!” Then Jesus Himself appears to rebuff her, saying, “It is not good to give the children’s food to the dogs.”
The woman perseveres and gets Jesus to heal her daughter despite these disappointments and contradictions. It occurred to me that for her to persist despite the opposition, she had to have a very powerful motivation to keep going: her love for her daughter.
I saw that for me to really pour myself out in service and sacrifice for God’s children as a priest, even with all the challenges and problems that always eventually arise for priests, I also need that same mighty motivation that drove the Canaanite woman.
Privately, while sitting in my room, I prayed, “Lord, grant me your love for all your children. Let me love them as you love them.”
Prayers for a friend
During this same period, Dcn. Jason Lewis, a Marian friend who was stationed at our Washington, D.C., house with me all novitiate, was preparing for ordination. He later told us that he was praying that Christ pour out through him to others.
For his ordination card, he selected an image of Christ Crucified hanging on the Cross, with blood pouring out of His pierced side onto a Host, the bread that the priest consecrates at Mass.
I didn’t know anything about what was going on in Dcn. Jason’s prayer life, nor did he know anything about mine.
On August 11, 2023, our Marian community and many of Dcn. Jason’s family and friends held a Holy Hour at the National Shrine of The Divine Mercy, preparing him for ordination to priesthood.
The Shrine was packed with people singing and praying. Lighting in the church was low, but the Eucharist in the monstrance was illuminated.
I sat in my pew with my eyes closed, praying for Deacon Jason.
Images started appearing in my mind, and I’d experienced enough in the last year to pay attention. First, I saw a heart pierced with wounds — Deacon Jason’s heart, I believe. Blood was trickling out of the wounds, but I sensed that it was Christ’s blood flowing through him.
Then, as I opened my eyes, I experienced a mental image of a lamb over Deacon Jason’s head. Its side was pierced and blood was flowing out of its side, pouring over Dcn. Jason.
The Lamb of God
I still haven’t asked him exactly what he prayed which caused these images to touch him so strongly, but within the hour, while helping with ordination preparations, I got the chance to see his ordination card.
Jesus Christ is the “Lamb of God,” and the ordination card shows blood flowing from His pierced side down onto the host. The host symbolically refers to both Jesus and His priest: Fr. Jason.
What I saw the previous night, in my mind, was a lamb with blood pouring down from its side onto Dcn. Jason.
Deacon Jason also had been praying that Christ would pour out from him to others, and in the other image I saw, Jesus’ blood was pouring out of the wounds in Dcn. Jason’s heart.
I was blessed to pray in a way that responded to Dcn. Jason’s private prayer life and touched him. I hadn’t known if these images would carry any meaning for him.
Later that very day, now-Fr. Jason returned the favor.
A rich blessing
After Fr. Jason’s ordination, he led a prayer meeting that lasted over three hours. He held the monstrance carrying the consecrated Host, Jesus Christ, and carried Him through the church among the people. He and another priest, Fr. Tyler, laid hands on people and prayed over them before passing by.
I was standing in the back of the church when the two priests advanced toward me with the Host. I slipped quietly down onto my knees on the floor.
Father Jason held the monstrance over my head. “More spiritual gifts, deeper gifts,” he prayed. He started praying in tongues.
Then, he put his hand directly onto my chest, above my heart. He said, “I ask that the Lord set your heart on fire with love of His people. I ask that He take your heart and replace it with His own, burning with love for His people.”
My prayer to the Lord from several days ago swiftly sprang back to my mind. “Lord, grant me your love for all your children. Let me love them as you love them.”
Father Jason had no way of knowing what I had asked the Lord.
It was a rich ordination day blessing. It isn’t something I’ll soon forget.
Next week: "Vows at Last!"
{shopmercy-ad}