Working hard can stretch a person, pushing them beyond their comfort zone. Novitiate is about growth, and if we aren’t challenged, how will we grow?
Welcome to Part 13 of a new weekly series on the formation journey of Josh, a first-year novice at the Marian House of Studies in Washington, D.C. Watch for a new entry every Friday.
Working hard builds spiritual muscles if we do it in the right spirit.
I think most “novice tests” Fr. Jim gives us are work-related. Working hard can stretch a person, pushing them beyond their comfort zone. Novitiate is about growth, and if we aren’t challenged, how will we grow?
It often happens that novices who cook supper find themselves cleaning dishes while the rest of the community eats.
After I finished a particularly long stretch of work, Fr. Jim sat down next to me while I ate supper. I was the last one in the room to eat, and Fr. Jim and I just finished cleaning the dishes together.
Father Jim said, slowly, “You know, this would be the time to say: ‘We are unprofitable servants; we have only done our duty.’”
I laughed heartily. “Losers unanimous,” I agreed, lightly. No one was taking credit for success or being great.
I felt tranquil now.
Christ's peace
Earlier, for a few minutes while we cleaned dishes, I silently felt resentment and self-pity. I had made supper for everyone; then I did a lot of the dishes and clean-up myself, and now I was the last to eat. By that time, everyone else was done eating, and everything was put away. I’d been on my feet for hours.
A part of me inside had been grumbling while I worked.
However, when you pray a lot and feel the sweetness of Christ’s peace often, you can feel a sharp contrast between the peaceful thoughts stemming from prayer and the ugly emotions of self-pity and resentment. Resentment and self-pity make you feel bad and speak uncharitably. Peace, on the other hand, is sweet to all.
When I had felt ugly feelings rising up in me, I turned against them quickly and started prayers of love instead.
I had started repeatedly praying in my heart, “Oh Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee.”
The ugly thoughts quickly dispersed.
Tranquility returned, and I was able to chat and joke with Fr. Jim and the rest of the clean-up crew as though nothing difficult had happened.
After sitting with me at the table for a moment longer, Fr. Jim got up and walked to the door. He, novice David, and I proceeded to make work-related plans for the next day.
Afterward, I ran a couple miles and then went upstairs to take a shower.
God is generous
Outside the shower stall, I suddenly felt deepening peace rush into my soul.
I had turned away from resentment and self-pity, and from any kind of anger or criticism in either my thoughts or my words. The community was grateful for my labors, but the real reward was coming suddenly, unexpectedly, right then. It was great peace.
I remembered again the Gospel passage, “We are unprofitable servants; we have only done our duty” (Lk 17:10). However, what sprang next to my mind was what we hope the Lord will say when we see him face to face.
“Come, and enter your Master’s rest.”
The verse actually says the Master’s “joy,” but spiritual rest is another reward.
Peace isn’t relaxing after hard work. Peace is the delicious fruit of putting Jesus first in our thoughts as well as our words and actions. Feelings of heavenly peace might flow into us even in the midst of hard work. Saint Paul recommends to “pray always,” what Catholics call “recollection,” and this helps prepare us to receive Jesus’ peace. This is a habit of praying whenever we have a moment. Rather than making the mind busier, you feel rested.
Saint Paul writes, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things . . . Then the God of peace will be with you” (Phil 4:8).
It’s not at all easy, learning to put this into practice. It takes a lot of perseverance and failures. However, God knows my weakness and He is generous.
Father Jim is also a kind novice master, occasionally testing us but frequently encouraging us and giving support where it’s needed. I very much admire his balanced leadership in this house.
I’ve been praying that God build my spiritual muscles more, help me grow, and God listens to bless me.
Next entry: "Opening up when it's tough."
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